my life as kyra darlene.

As i sit here, warmed from Texas sun, parking lot, I think of who, more like what im with out. His lovely brown eyes, that seem to smile even when his mouth doesn’t. His freckles, he doesn’t like them, can’t imagine why. His amazingly incredible smile, lights up my world. His laugh, god, it brings my heart joy. He, when in my vision, is happiness to me. I smile even whenever im angry, just from his face.
This is Cody, the guy I’ve half had, coulda had, don’t have. He is taken, as he said, to spite me. I am deeply crushed, like my center caves in, blackens to a pitch black, my eyes well up and my muscles squeeze tight from frustration. He throws her, rubs her in my face. God knows why. He’s there for me, he helps, he gives and gives, yet, he takes bits of heart and pinches of my soul, everytime her name is spoken. I’ve been heart-broken, a number of times. But this is different. I so badly want to release my grip on him, but can not. I fear losing him, but I already have. He’s gone, he’d rather repeat past of lies, tears, anger than see future, a future not even I can fathom. I wish so desperately he’d hear my heart’s scream and cry, I wish he’d not be so handsome and smart, and sweet..
They say “everything happens for a reason”, if this is truth, what the hell is the reason in our case? To give something to an unavailable answer? To help a sick heart? Why?
I thought I loved this boy. Truly. But it’s obvious and apparent the same is not felt.
I have taken from him, by means of emotion a time or few before, yes. But I wouldn’t, nor would I ever, push the cause of downturned emotion, in eyes of my romantic beholder, just to pain them. Physically make them hurt and mentally twist mind, emotion and pain in one and drop into a shallowed abyss of slight pitch blackness.
I don’t know what’s to come, maybe I’ll wake to a different prince charming, other than him. Maybe it’s all a dream or nightmare. Maybe I’ll make another video, let him watch it till he memorizes the movement and sound. Or maybe I’ll finally stop being sweet and for once say n.o.. Highly doubtful. That old star in the sky owes me one, maybe I’ll take the chance.
All you can do is hope. All I will do is crawl out of my abyss, when im so scared of the dark, and sit in the sun. Hope he comes to his senses, but let him know, “I’m getting further and further away, i’m handing you chance, are you going to take it?” And patiently wait one hot second, so he can see the pride i have holding his hand, the people that already like him. The friends who are dying to meet him. And most of all, the girl who really desires truth and his full happiness. We shall see. I shall hope.

I have a good friend, potential love-interest, therapist in many ways.
I last heard from him many months ago, he got in some sort of trouble. He gave me his address to write, I lost it, better word, this mega skank, whom had lived with me, took it.
This friend was my outlet, my, like I had said, therapist. I had an issue, he helped me
I miss him, I even call his phone each other day. Just by some chance, it’ll ring. Last night, it did. today it did. Five minutes ago, it didn’t.
I pray, I wish, I’ll keep trying.

Life is quite wonderful, multiple people making my life better each day.
I haven’t blogged in a while, but I suppose I should, good way to spill emotions, good and bad.
Currently I have a job, I have six weeks till graduation, three weeks till prom. Two of those I’m stoked about, one not so much.
“Work sucks, I know.” More than honest lyrics famed from Blink-182. $7.50 hourly, hours at random, seven, I repeat seven hours next week. Really? I’m one stressed out eighteen year old working student.
More to come, life is crazy.

It’s been quite a while. 

I’m currently in school. In class. working hard, obviously. :) fun.

I’m bored. And I am deciding on a new hair style. 

Choices:

Bonde.Black.combo.

Fav. Actress. :) 

So cute. :) 

Edgy with Blonde chunks. hmmToo much? hmm. 

I have quite the cold.

I am making a bday card.

 I am loving life.

Except my eye sockets feel like fire, my eyes are rainy.

My voice is crackly and I have an audition.

Im bout to kill some Zombies. ;)

I am KyraDarlene